Week 9

Sorry for the delay in getting some more info out...but things have been busy.  We have good intentions but just haven't been able to get it done.

Overall, things continue to go well. We have been venturing out more, went to our first UAB football game.

On a side note, Scott took Bryce to the Auburn/Georgia game.

And we cannot forget Thanksgiving...

 Playing with Elise at Thanksgiving in Troy, AL.

Bryce had a Thanksgiving program at school and Benjamin was real proud of him!

Benjamin continues to do very well.  He has been sick the past few days: high fever, cough, and runny nose.  It has made sleeping tough for us, but we know it won't last forever.  We have mentioned that sleep has been one of our issues, but that seems to be getting better.  He still won't let Scott put him to bed, but Benjamin does let him put him down for a nap in his big boy bed that he should be sleeping in.  So we are making progress and think as soon as he gets over this sickness that he should be ready to join Bryce in their room!  Bonding is going well, he clearly recognizes us as his parents and wants us to do everything for him.  Benjamin is getting along well with Bryce and Elise and they are becoming more and more comfortable with each other.

Please pray he gets well soon!

Week 6

Fall festival at the school!

Well, a lot has happened since our last post.  Benjamin is doing extremely well.  We had our 2^nd International Adoption Clinic appt. on Oct 27.  His antibodies for ALL his vaccinations were present, which is a praise (no extra shots)!  The OT looked at his motor skills and she was amazed at how well he is doing.  Rarely are the motor skills of adopted children age appropriate and Benjamin’s are on target!  We do need to focus on his pencil grip when coloring, but he is doing great!!  The family therapist said he was bonding great and saw no problems within a couple of minutes of being with us!  We noticed that he will play in social settings, but will come to us when he needs something.  When I give him his bottle at night, he now looks at me and strokes my hair, which before he would look at a distance.  He is still sleeping in our room, which has honestly been difficult the past 3 nights since he has been coughing!  His crying out at night has improved (except for the coughing) as well.

Scott went to China for work for a week and this was difficult.  My mom and dad came and helped the weekend, which was nice, but by the end of the week, both Benjamin and I were having melt downs!!  Scott is an integral part of our family and was definitely missed!  We were so thankful to have him back home, and it was so sweet to see all 3 kids cheering for him as he loaded his suitcases into our van!  We were concerned about the timing with Scott leaving but we tried to skype daily, which I believed helped.  He really did not miss a beat with Scott and all the kids loved the countdown that we had going until dad returned!

 Bird's nest...

Great Wall...

Everyone has been asking me how Benjamin did with Halloween.  He dressed up as Spiderman and I was concerned that he would not keep his costume on since he would not keep it on at the house the days before.  However, he did fine with keeping his clothes on (Yea!).  He was a little weary of the other costumes that we met, especially the scary ones.  I caught him staring at several people, knowing that he was wondering what was going on.  Halloween is really a strange holiday but of course he LOVED the candy.  I carried him to the door at first but later we just stayed in the golf cart.  Elise and her friend, Brooke, would alternate getting him candy!  He worked the system--got the candy without actually going to the door!!

A golf cart??...they have it too easy

Another landmark was our anniversary on Nov. 8.  We wanted to go out for a couple of hours to celebrate, but Benjamin has never been left without one of us, so it was a test!  My brother and his wife, Michael and Summer, were so gracious to be the guinea pigs.  He sees Summer and his cousins frequently since they live across the street, so we felt like this would be the most successful!  He did fantastic.  They reported that he did not miss a beat and we enjoyed our dinner!

Last thing…. We have discovered that Benjamin is pretty strong willed, probably due to his survival in the orphanage.  He has been “testing” Scott and me in the obedience issue.  He chooses to be defiant sometimes and it turns into the battle of the wills (like a lot of 3 y/o!).  Fortunately, both Scott and I are very determined as well to lovingly teach him obedience, so we are seeking and praying for wisdom in this area.

Bryce and Elise continue to be so caring and loving to him.  It really is amazing how they treat him, but I have noticed some sibling rivalry surfacing, which demonstrates to me that he is molding and truly becoming part of the family in their eyes as well!  Don’t get me wrong, they still love to see him when they get in the car from school and baby him!

Please keep the prayers coming.  We would love for him to be sleeping in his own room.  We are praying that he has the desire to sleep in his own room, learns to be obedient, and continue to progress with his language and bonding.

Week 4

I believe we are finally establishing a routine and life is establishing its new normal.  Benjamin is doing very well considering all that he has experienced over the past month.  Scott and I both notice that he rarely speaks Chinese to us… I guess he realized it was a dead end since we kept telling him we didn’t understand.  He is picking up English pretty quickly.  He repeats a lot of our conversations and is trying his best.  He definitely is interested in learning because he will not watch any TV except Dora/ Diego and Letter Factory by Leap Frog.  He requests the Letter Factory and loves to sing his ABC’s.  I think he understands a lot of what I say to him and have noticed that he is whining a lot more since he can’t express himself, which is normal (but irritating).  I try to get him to use his words and help him when he doesn’t know them.  I feel like I am getting to know him well since we are together ALL day long with the exception of his 30 minute nap in the car ride to pick up Bryce and Elise.  He is still doing well with eating in that there is not much he doesn’t like.  He still likes to snack frequently throughout the day, which we are told to give him at this time.  I do, as a mom, have a hard time with the frequent candy requests and find myself limiting it with “later”, but I always fulfill my promise to him.  We are trying to wean him from the bottle of formula at night that he has had his whole life.  His former caretakers would give him at bedtime 180 cc, which we are down to 80cc of a milk/ wheat powder mix.  He is still sleeping in our room but we have recently tried taking him out of the pack n’ play (he has slept in one his whole life) because he is too big for it and his head and feet go into the netting when he is stretched out.  We have a crib mattress on the floor with a bedrail to help confine him as he wiggled out of it the first night.

One of the things that I am loving is seeing all of his “first’s”.  Elise recently showed him the Spiderman costume and he got so tickled and excited.  He came running out to show Daddy, Bryce, and Elise as Spiderman.  Then when he put it on, he was beside himself.  We are going to let him be that for Halloween—which will also be a first.  Another first is bike riding.  He is riding Elise’s bike right now, but loves it and has such joy when he is doing it!  Going to Walmart was a hectic first...a little over stimulating!  He was amazed at all the food and items and just kept pointing at everything.  He may have never been to a store before!  He loved the cart and wanted to touch everything.  The second trip was much smoother (with a little talk prior!)  We took him to church service this past week for the worship and you could see him taking it all in and observing everything.  I went and got his first formal picture taken to add him to our wall of kids!  He did very well but was not sure what was going on.  The photographer showed him some of the pictures and he got so excited!  He “got” it at the end and had several cute poses!!  Then when we were reviewing the photos, he was so excited to see himself on the screen!!  He also was very thrilled and proud to be up on the wall and mantle with Bryce and Elise.

Finally, he got his first haircut and did super.  When Scott got home, Benjamin told Dad about the haircut and that he did not cry!

Bryce and Elise are still being too great to imagine!  God is so good to give them such a love for Benjamin.  They are so proud of their little brother and want everyone to meet him.  Elise and Bryce love to tell the “replays” of Benjamin even if we were right there with them!!  They are so helpful and share/serve so well with him.  They both crave his affection, which he gives to them in abundance!  I did need to remind Bryce and Elise to continue to work on their own relationship as well as theirs with Benjamin.

One thing that you can pray for is that Scott is going out of town for a week on Thursday.  Pray that Scott and Benjamin’s bonding would not be hindered and that I can survive!  Thanks for your interest and prayers for our family.  We appreciate your support!

week 3

Weekly update (pictures and video at the end)

Sorry for taking so long to get an update posted, but it seems like time is going by too fast.  Nanette doesn’t have time during the day to spend typing at a computer, without little hands banging on the keys next to her, and when Scott gets home it’s non-stop until about 930 or so and energy levels are low!  Anyway, here we go….

Benjamin is doing pretty well, getting adjusted and showing some very good signs that he is learning that we are his new family. 

Language:  One thing that we thought was going to be a major hurdle when we were in Taiwan was the language barrier.  However, that has gone pretty smooth.  We learned a few key phrases in mandarin that were very helpful and now Benjamin is really starting to understand us.  He knows his name and with lots of hand gestures and basic words, we seem to be able to get our thoughts across to each other.  He can already count to ten and say most of his abc’s. That’s pretty amazing, considering we have only been home about 20 days!  We are a little biased, but we think he’s pretty smart!!

Sleep: He still will not willingly lay down to take a nap, but if we know he needs one we simply put him in the stroller, wagon, or car and take him for a short ride and he will fall asleep.  One day, I was pulling him in the wagon and asked him if he was tired and wanted to take a nap (in Chinese by the way!) and he told me no…however, 3 minutes later he was out cold.  The nighttime continues to be our biggest adjustment, but we are trying to be patient and understanding and let him have more time to adjust and get used to us.  He will not let Scott put him to bed and wants Nanette to lay with him in our bed until he falls asleep.  When he finally falls asleep, we transfer him to the pack-n-play that is in our room and he usually will sleep through the night without any problems.  The nighttime routine takes about an hour or so, but from the different people we have talked to and books we have read, this is really not too bad.  The hardest part is that we don’t get as much time together without the kids around and we never let Bryce and Elise spend a minute sleeping in our room.  They went to the crib, the first day home from the hospital.  However, this is different and we are adapting the best we know how.

Does this look comfortable??

Attachment:  All basic care, feeding, holding, taking to the bathroom, etc. is only being done by us and we are staying home as much as possible.  When we do go out and he meets new people he no longer puts his arms out for them to pick him up and he looks for us to take care of him.  This was hard when Scott’s parents came to visit, but they understood and did great!  We think he is showing good signs that our relationship is growing closer each day.  It’s still pretty clear that Nanette is “1^st string”, but she’s home all day and he probably never had a male influence in his life.  However, he will let Scott take him without Nanette and he stopped crying for “mama” when he is alone with Scott.  He understands “I’ll be right back” and seems content when we tell him those things.  We know that we have a long way to go to continue to build trust and attachment, but we are pleased with our progress so far.

Bryce/Elise:  These two continue to be extremely helpful and have exceeded all of our expectations.  We have been very purposeful to give each child attention and Scott has been taking Bryce on “guys nights out” and Elise on “dates”.  It usually involved donuts or ice cream, so he may need to ramp up their exercise!  Overall, they are doing well and received excellent report cards for the first 9 weeks (and they missed 2 of them!).

We appreciate all of your interest in our “boring” lives, please keep praying for us and we love to hear from you!

Scott put the kids to work washing his truck!

 Benjamin loves his Mama!

Unfortunately Benjamin has to ride Elise's old bike with training wheels until we can get him his own...and we haven't got him a helmet yet either.  

A few short clips of our chaos!

Weekly updates

It has been a little over a week since we brought Benjamin home and we are all getting adjusted to being a family of 5.   The people at the International Adoption Clinic told us to watch progress by the week as opposed to by the day.  Often times we may expect Benjamin to behave a certain way or should know something we told him yesterday, but we have to be patient and recognize that everything is new.  We are starting to incorporate some boundaries, but mainly trying to do things that will develop trust, bonding, and attachment.  We have noticed some very positive signs that he is starting to look to us as his parents.  When we first got him in Taiwan, he got hurt doing something and his response was to just put his head down and deal with it.  Now, if he falls down or gets hurt he wants his mama to pick him up and hold him.  We have noticed that he no longer reaches for others to hold him and is very content that we are holding him.  Our nights are still a little rough, but they seem to be getting better.  The past two nights, he has only whimpered (not cried!!) and it takes him less time to go to sleep!  He will go to sleep with Nanette holding him in our bed, then she transfers him to his bed and he typically sleeps through the night.  There are times when he has woken up, but overall we think there is good progress.  He is starting to feel safe and secure, even enough to get in his bed (a pack-n-play) to play and pretend like he is sleeping.  Things like this are small steps to help him feel secure and know that we are always going to be here when he wakes up.

Since we got home, he has avoided taking naps willingly, but it works out that when Nanette goes to pick Bryce and Elise up at school, he falls asleep in the car and gets a 20-30 minute nap…just enough to keep him on good behavior until bed time.  He is just like all other 3 year olds, when they get tired, their behavior becomes a little unpredictable.

Overall, Benjamin is adjusting well and a lot of things are going pretty smooth.  We feel that Benjamin is learning English very quickly.  It appears that he understands more than we think he does!  Of course, he has selective hearing occasionally, as most kids do!!  He is eating pretty much whatever we give him and we are not noticing any “bad” signs with his eating.  He has been telling us that he is hungry frequently and we have learned that we are to feed him whenever at this time to gain the trust and dependence to provide for him.  Despite all of the information we received from our agency, which was that he was a picky eater and very slow, he has shown no signs of being picky and he finishes before Elise! 

Bryce and Elise continue to be a great big brother/sister, always wanting to help and play with Benjamin.  They are very proud of their brother and find many things that he does funny!  They have exceeded all of our expectations!

An update from home…

FOR SOME REASON CAN'T UPLOAD PICTURES, WILL ADD LATER...

We have been home now for about 4 days and things have been a little crazy with 3 kids, all of us jet-lagged and trying to recover.  Things are going pretty well, Benjamin is learning the new environment and we are quickly remembering what it was like to have a toddler running around the house!  It’s amazing how quick we fortget!  Het gets into everything and thinks he’s funny when he grabs something and throws it and it makes a lot of loud noises.  The biggest adjustment we are dealing with is a change in his sleeping behaviors from when we were in Taiwan.  While in Taiwan, Benjamin went to bed really easy and slept for 12-14 hours.  When we got home that has started to change and he does not like to go to bed, take naps, or have anything to do with sleeping.  We have read that this is pretty typical, it was just a bit of a surprise for us because he was sleeping well in Taiwan.  This could be due to a number of reasons, but the primary is probably stress and grief.  Consider the fact that he was perfectly comfortable at the orphanage, knew the system and was thriving there.  Then, some strange people that don’t look like him, take him, put him on a plane and take him to a strange house.  That’s got to be pretty scary for a 3 year old and it will take time to work through it.

We took him to the International Adoption Clinic today where he was assessed by a physician and family therapist/counselor that each specialize in adopted children.  Overall, he seems pretty healthy and all of his behaviors are very typical of children when they arrive home.  The counselor took a long history from us and mentioned that Benjamin is exhibiting a lot of good behaviors and it sounds like the orphanage did a nice job of getting him ready and instilling a lot of positive feelings/behaviors.  He is apparently healthy and in the 50^th percentile for height/weight. The hardest part was they drew several vials of blood which he really didn’t like and we will get results of those test over the next few weeks. 

I don’t think we have taken any pictures since we have arrived home, just been surviving.  Bryce and Elise went back to school today and Scott went back to work. Over the next few weeks we will be developing new routines and creating a new normal for all of us.  Please keep praying for us and that Benjamin feels safe, secure, and loved in his new home.

Finally Home!!

Well, after just shy of a 2-year process and 26 hours of traveling, we are home with Benjamin!  The kids did fabulous on the trip b/c no matter how you look at it, that is a tough trip.  We were up over 30 hours.  We had several passengers comment on how well the kids were traveling!  Benjamin took a long nap in the beginning and at the end of the longest leg.  Thanks to all our friends for praying for our smooth travels!!  When he was awake, it was a little harry in that he did not like DVD’s so entertaining was challenging!  I feel for the people who sat in front of him!!  But we did make it home safe and actually the last flight arrived one hour early!! Thanks to my mom and dad for picking us up from the airport.  I would say that one of the toughest moments of the trip was the trip home from the airport.  Let me explain… in Taiwan, there are no car seats and they do not really use seat belts.  In Taiwan, when we got in to the van, he sort of had free roam in the car.  We would hold him in our laps to contain the little guy.  Well, imagine, getting into the van at 9:30PM and it is pitch black and you are being strapped in for the first time!  He was terrified and frightened the whole way home and nothing would calm him down!  My heart was breaking for him as he was saying “hold me mama” in Chinese, but my embrace was not calming.   After we arrived at home and he got out of the seat belt, he calmed down immediately and it was a happy time to introduce him to his new home.  He was very curious and excited as he explored the house with Bryce and Elise who showed him his new room and some toys!

He seemed excited about sleeping in his big boy bed and we went to sleep but Bryce came to get me 2 times last night b/c Benjamin was upset.  He had always slept in a pack and play in the orphanage and a crib at the hotel, so that was a lot of change to take in—new home, new bed, etc.   So overall, we are doing great with much to learn and explore.

Thanks for all my friends with their encouraging emails and prayers!  When we got home, I had about 40 emails welcoming us with such sweet and encouraging words.  We are so blessed to have the support that we do!  Continue praying for our smooth transition!